Pizza, money and science

I met with a friend who is a scientist and I think her scientific temperament rubbed off on me. It's amazing how a few hours spent in august company could affect me so profoundly. 

Steeped in this scientific frame of mind, I pondered over one of the biggest mysteries of life: how does eating one pack of cream biscuits weighing just 63 g cause a half-kilo addition to my weight? 

Now as you can see, this dilemma is real.

Matter has to come from matter, it doesn't matter if you don't agree with this philosophy because it's not philosophy it's a scientific principle.

A French guy named Lavoisier gave us the beautiful law of conservation of matter. Which says matter can neither be created nor destroyed. I would not argue with the French: for one, they sound exquisite when they say something, and two they will refuse to respond to me in English as a matter of principle. The only French word I know is merci. Though why everyone begs mercy of them is not something I have been able to fathom. 

I do know one guy who is like Napoleon Bonaparte-short and pompous. Although I don't know if Napoleon was pompous.

If you think about it, he had just cause (ie Napoleon). Even a pizza sauce was named after him and that's not to be taken lightly. (Neapolitan =Napoleon+ politician)

                       Scientist hard at work 

Coming back to the short and pompous guy I know. He is very transparent in his respect of power and pomp and he is never sure what to make of my stated poverty. He can't believe that someone would confess to it. He thinks I'm being self-deprecating. But I'm sure to win his actual respect since I'm likely to make pots of money with this new scientific discovery of mine.

It's a known fact that prisoners are denied water after eating sugar. The body craves water to balance sweetness otherwise bees and ants would get attracted to humans. This is an evolutionary mechanism just like hollow bones in the head. Once one understands this principle, the rest is crystal (like sugar cubes) clear.

Once you eat something sweet you need water to dilute the sweetness and to digest the sugar. This adds to the weight. So you may have consumed 63 g of biscuits but then if you consume two full glasses of water you have added a half-litre. People never remember to count the water that's been drunk. 

So the principle behind weight loss is to drink less water, not to eat less sugar. Once you reduce water intake you may get renal stones, but with each stone that gets lasered out, you become one stone lighter. Voila! And you are welcome.