Vitruvian man in plastic

Inspiration strikes in various places. A soak in a bathtub caused a scandal in ancient Syracuse which is spoken of with reverence till today. The words ‘Eureka,’ shouted out by Archimedes, to express his elation at discovering the principle of buoyancy, while running in full glory across the streets sans clothes or shame, have inspired generations.

Jay-Z's in-laws, for instance, were inspired by this story. However, Google hadn't yet made its entry into this world. Having no recourse to checking up on the spelling, they managed to name their talented daughter Beyonce. That she became famous despite the general disdain of the entire scientific community proves that Buoyancy seems easier to understand and enjoy, if it's spelled Beyonce.

Archimedes apparently said, “give me a place to stand and a lever and I will move the world.”

I'm guessing ancient Greece was crowded, quite like Churchgate station, so he knew that getting a place to stand was impossible. He could get away with making improbable assertions knowing fully well they would be impossible to verify.

Standing under the shower, like the ancient tabloid sensation, I picked up a brand new bottle of shower gel and was annoyed to find that it had micro-beads. Wondering when governments would enact legislation to ban these micro-plastics that get into our water and from there into marine life, I started daydreaming of a future when plastic would have overtaken us.

I now have this great premise for life in the future. Man would have evolved and would have genetically modified in such a way as to have plastic melded into human tissues.

I imagine this would take care of the problem of excess plastic. Human beings with plastic in their body would have to exist within the limitations and advantages of plastic. For instance, no man would be able to expose himself for too long to the sun, as there would be warpage of his body. His nose for instance, instead of getting sunburnt, would lose its sharpness and have a small bulge at its tip; almost like a drop of sweat which has solidified.

The advantage of this scenario, of course, is that later on, he could apply a heat pack using a nonmetallic object to hold it, aware that his fingers would warp if he touched it directly with his hands. Using heat to reshape his nose, he could contour it to a suitably aesthetic proportion.

Humans would be like clay and could continuously evolve and morph into whatever mood took their fancy. Parents who currently know nothing about their children would have a harder time in the future, even recognizing them would be an achievement unless they kept up with trends. They would have to find other attributes to mark their offspring. Maybe every child would have to be embedded with a chip.

The pros, as I see it, is all governments would have to do away with any documentation that deals with biometrics or facial recognition. Passports, Aadhar card, driving licence, etc would no longer be required.

I think I could live in this future.

All the pulling and shaping and contouring will, needless to say, give rise to an industry of impassioned stylists, which is a big step forward for job creation.

The biggest drawback that I can see is that everyone would take too long to decide what or who they wanted to look like on any given day. Imagine you have to get to work but your driver is not just having a bad hair day but is also confused which nose he wishes for on that day, there is no way in sweet heaven that you will reach on time. Which may be okay actually as you can ask your best friend to pretend to be you! Which just goes to prove there is absolutely no disadvantage to plastic. I say chuck the damn cloth bag and embrace plastic.

Hollywood, if you wish me to write a screenplay for this I am willing to do so provided Chris Hemsworth plays a role. We may have to make him travel back in time and play Archimedes!