Negative about Positives

Between 2003 and 2007, we went on several trips, many of which possibly happened only in my imagination as I have no photographic evidence of them.

More recently, the prodigal son has been refusing to pose for photos and I have been drilling into him, the new truth that if you haven't been photographed you never went on the holiday.

For the longest of time I was unable to take a selfie as the front camera on my phone didn't work, this led me to the misguided belief that I was one of those non narcissistic people who didn't splash her pictures all over social media.

However recently, I changed my hairstyle and at a friend’s urging, I tried to share a photograph on a WhatsApp group.

I realized there were difficulties far greater than the lack of a front camera. I had a new phone so that problem had been solved. But every photograph I took, shed light on the crookedness of my nose, the lop sidedness of my smile, the asymmetry of my eyes and the fine lines on my forehead. I have new admiration for selfie takers now. Either they have perfect harmony of face, or they have supreme confidence in their peculiarities. In addition they have figured out how to avoid the wooden look whilst pouting unselfconsciously despite a room full of onlookers.

Meanwhile my kids in total honesty did a double take, horrified at my new look. My son begged me to revert to my previous hairstyle while my daughter tried to console me by saying “you don't look bad, just very funny.”

A friend who is a lurker on WhatsApp, appearing sporadically every once in a few months just when we would be debating, horror of horrors, whether to actually make a call and check if she was alive, suddenly awoke from her Rip Van Winkle type of slumber to announce that she thought I looked weird. Since in her previous emergence from coma, she had told me I looked pregnant, I realized she was my true friend. Only a true friend will utter falsehoods (because hello, I look fantastic and have a great figure) to your face.

It's a universally acknowledged truth that if a person says nice things to you, he/she is totally putting on an act. I use that truth to get away with rudeness. After being completely offensive, (I believe) I disarm them by exclaiming that my rudeness stems from a feeling of closeness.