Rust and Tarnish

I'm sure it was the morphine.

The surgeon on rounds asked me “Surgery went off well?” In what she imagined was a rhetorical question. I whispered conspiratorially “So they tell me, but can one believe them?” I had to give her points for a quick comeback when she retorted “Don't worry I kept checking in on them!”

Seeing that she was pretty junior, we both laughed uproariously at that.

Soon after that, when the Anesthetist came around to check on me, in my usual trouble making style, I confided that Dr N had assured me that she had been checking in on him and Dr D while they worked. He was taken aback for a bit but then added his own two cents, “They say any damn fool can do a good surgery, if the anesthetist is good!” He laughed aloud at his own joke at putting down a rival speciality and the euphoria produced by the morphine made everything mildly funny seem uproariously hilarious to me.

I groaned as I clutched my sides, finally understanding the meaning and importance of stitches on the side

Hospitals are not a place for rest and recuperation. I wonder which idiot spread such canards. People would keep popping into my room from 4:00 am onwards; to clean the W.C, to change the IV line, to sanitize the room, to serve bedside tea to a tea totaller! By six am, the room would have been cleaned twice, the nurse would have decided I didn't need any more beauty sleep, instead my bedside attendant and I, both needed our bed linen to be changed. I could have conceded the point if I had slept off without showering after a swim in the frothy, sewage filled Bellandur  lake but seeing that all I did was sleep the entire day, it did seem a bit much.

We tried protesting, but were informed that whether we wished it or not they had to finish the tasks assigned to them before they went off duty.

Meekly, we submitted to their orders. After all even the PM has said everything has to be ‘Swachcha’. We haven't yet climbed up the ladder by doing anything noteworthy to have the temerity to flout a national movement.

Meanwhile the doctors would ask the grossest of questions. Nothing was beyond the pale. In particular, they were interested in flatulence and stools (not the four legged ones either). I remarked to Dr N that no one in my life had ever asked me such questions, it was just not deemed polite! She responded that every surgeons’ greatest pleasure was when his/her patient passed gas! It does take all kinds to populate this planet. They are practically like the NASA scientists who according to latest reports are trying to figure out how to load Mars with Oxygen.

Meanwhile my son's school keeps asking him to make several projects to illustrate things like the importance of the ozone layer, completely oblivious to my attempts to try and lead a minimal waste (and minimal work), lifestyle by not using any material that is not necessarily required. I have extended my minimal usage lifestyle to not buying essentials. The spouse finally put his foot down when he got tired of trying to squeeze toothpaste from the already empty tube.

He decided to take the law into his own hands and started ordering groceries from Amazon, but the amount of packaging they use, horrified me and delighted my kids, who take great pleasure in bouncing on the noisy, air-filled, plastic, cushioning thingies, frightening various domesticated creatures roaming my house, like the man of the house, our pet roaches, ants and the sleepy monkey on the balcony railing. (It's a never ending source of joy to see him perched on the railing and never lose his balance despite sleeping for hours together).

This monkey was obviously of very gentle birth. Class oozed from every pore of his being. One could imagine him belonging to monkey royalty or at least to a priestly clan. He never showed any greed or even bared his teeth at me. Obviously he recognized me as his kindred spirit. Agreed he ate the passion fruits, the guavas, the tomatoes and several flowers from my garden, but his manner of eating was very gentle, no plants were damaged in the process; as I said, his table manners were of the highest order. I think it was reprehensible of my father to have commented, when I stuffed my mouth, that I ate like a monkey!